Verizon and Automation

Here we go again. Verizon has got the best product. FIOS rules, and internet is so fast 99% of the time, you can't click fast as a page can load. However, they like Bank of America have the suckiest customer service system on earth!!! I HATE AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEMS!!! However, I have forced DH to deal with the issue at hand with them, and he has held the phone on hold for 1 hour each day for the past 2 days. Finally, today, with my OCD and lack of patience when dealing with balancing my precious budget (do you hear this Congress---I can balance a budget....in a timely manner), I called Verizon. Went through the BS of getting an operator...and before any of you comment on how you just press 0.--that's great when it works, but when it doesn't, sometimes you have to go through the prompts. I can give you a website if you'd like of how to get through several companies prompts promptly if you'd like.

Ok, so, within 10 minutes of being on the phone with live voices and they were all AMERICANS (Thank GOD!!!), I had told my story 5 times. Finally, some guy set the account up for me...why can their blasted website be this efficient? I don't know. But score for me.

I phoned DH and let him know I had taken care of the Verizon account access issue. Amazed, he wanted my secret. Should I tell him? I don't think so. I'm happy. I can view my bill. However, I am somehow signed up on automatic billpay and you have to phone C.S. to change this...note that you can sign up online but you can't sign down (or un-enroll) online. How convenient. I don't embrace automatic payments for anything other than my mortgage and those accounts that give me incentives like reduced rates on student loans, thank you Sallie Mae--you owe it to me. But for now, just so I don't have to make another lousy C.S. phone call then rant about it on this blog, I'll embrace Verizon's automatic bill pay. Who knows? Maybe they'll convert me to a person who likes all my money ripped out of my account without my clicking the button. I doubt it.

Automated Phone Systems

I have been trying to contact a government credit card issuer simply to get the web address to make a payment. First, I scoured each and every past statement for the card to find a URL to make a payment. No luck. So I GOOGLE every possible form of search terms...NO LUCK. So, begrudgingly I call the 1-800 number. First, I went through all the blasted menus, I counted 8 before I was stuck and forced to hang up. Back to GOOGLE. Why did I not write down the URL last time I did this for my darling hubby? You can bet your booties that this time I will. Still no luck. So, again, I dial the 1-800 number, anticipating a lengthy conversation which will get me nowhere because I am not the actual cardholder...don't you hate that? I'm his wife, I wash his underwear, cook his meals, and clean his stubble hairs out of the sink, aren't I privy to deal with his accounts...no, not unless he emphatically states that I can handle his accounts; even then, some establishments require some stupid faxed signed, sealed, and notarized copy of permission, with attached marriage certificate. On a side, I often thought the only purpose of your stupid marriage certificate was to change your name on D.L., bank accounts, etc. No, you need it to pee in the great state of FL. I have officially used my marriage cert. now over 20 times since I moved here, and I have ALREADY established my name change PRIOR to residing here! So, tell me again, how is identity theft so easy?

So, upon dialing the 1-800 number, I do not enter the credit card number; angrily, the nice lady prompts me again. I sit in silence, secretly laughing and wondering how many times a day this nice lady gets upset because people do not do what she asks (and amazed that she did not say si habla espaniol?). She prompts me again stating that she can better serve me if I enter the number on the card. I sit, this goes on for 5 or 6 repeats.

Then, a customer service representative: How can I assist you today?
Me: I need the website to make a payment.
C.S.: I'll be happy to assist you with that. May I have your name please?
Me: Name.
C.S.: And your card number.
Me: I don't have a card. The card is my spouse's. I am making a payment for him. His name is ..., and the number is ....
C.S.: Ma'am, it is my obligation to inform you that I cannot give out information regarding the card to you, as you are not the cardholder.
Me: I just need the payment address. The card has a balance that needs to be paid. I am the family accountant.
C.S.: That website is.....
Me: Thank you very much.
C.S.: Certainly, is there anything else I can assist you with today.
Me: No, have a great day.
C.S.: And thank you for calling Bank of America.

What I really wanted to say, was do you know just where in the hell he ran up this bill? And see if I could get her going, or how can you assist me if you cannot share information with anyone but the cardholder. However, I didn't. Darn. Need to be more assertive about poking at people.

So, that automated experience wasn't the hardest, the hardest are cable providers, but still. When they were first invented, I loved them. No long waits, no annoying tele-person. Now, I despise them. Another evil/perk of the internet. No people to deal with. Just do your business and go on surfing/blogging.